True Stories
by Miss Helga
Summary: weird things that happen with my friends
1. Gangsta' with Sarah, March 10, 2007

Today in Lit. class me and my friend Sarah were acting all 'Gangsta' ;p We started making up out own 'Yo mama' jokes!!! it was hillarious...I would say "you mama so fat...she fat" and she would be like "OWWWWWWWWWWWW shhhOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" EX: (5 min. later) Me: Yo mama so fat...she fat!!! Sarah: SHOOOOOOOwe *clap* Me: Let's bring david into the conversation Sarah: Kay...David's such a dork that the only person he could go out with was yo mama Me: David's so fat he ate yo house, yo moma, yo daddy, AND yo pregnant granny! David: ZYON I heard me name, you talkin' bout meh Me&Sarah: NOOOOOOOOO David: right then Me: Yo moma so ugly, when she looked out the window she was irrested for publicly mooning yo neighbors (we strange) Sarah: Yo daddy so fat he sat by everybody!! Me: where at? Sarah: didn't you just hear me? i said EVERYBODY! Me: well...yo moma so stupid the only person she could marry was yo daddy...then david eat him!!! Sarah: yeah, well he couldn't have cause me daddy's in jail..OHHHHHHH Me: David so fat...he eat you daddy, his cell, AND the jail!!! OOOOOOOOOOHHh Sarah: I've been served zoooooo ------------------------------------------------------------ We are the strange..fear us ^-^ lol the funny thig about all of that is...the WHOLE day the sub was getting on to people for talking in class, but when we were doing that...she didn't give a crap!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!! That was the funest that I have ever had at school... later at drama practice one of my guyfriends and I were flipping each other off whith our ring fingers...;p...I had a very unusual day today ^-^ that's a good thing ^+^


	2. A Monkey?, June 10, 2007

Keep in mind I wrote this on June 10, 2007

What I am about to tell you is NO JOKE!

ok, ok ^-^ LOL I'm still kind of getting over it, myself ^-^ Well, I have absolutely NOTHING to do for Summer Vacation! I have been out of school for three or four weeks now. (we ALL know how teenagers loose track of time on vacation LOL)

My friend, Josiry, got to go to Guatemala BY HERSELF! She's called me a few times from her cousin's house, in Guatemala, and she told me she was going to bring me back something.

Well, I believe that there is at least ONE person like her in EVERY group of friends. You know the type I'm talking about! The friend, who has relatives out of state or country, and when ever she goes to visit them she ALWAYS brings you back a GREAT gift! EVEN IF YOU TELL HER MANY TIMES YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING! ALSO, she's the person who you would believe LESS likely to bring you back an AWESOME gift!

Last time her DAD went to Guatemala by himself, but Josiry told him to bring back something for me too...she DIDN'T have to do that...but I do have to admit that I absolutely LOVE that purse they brought me back (And I'm not even someone who LIKES purses ^-^) I've worn it just about everyday for the past two years of school.

I just talked to her yesterday on the phone. She was at her cousins' house. The first time she called me she told me that she was looking for a gift for me...I told her I didn't want anything -_-' she DIDN'T listen.

Now, she calls and tells me that she and her dad (who has been in Guatemala for a few months now) found me a great gift! She tells me...that she got me TWO gifts...I (being very curious) asked her what they were...that was MY mistake!

She told me that she got me a purse(with my NAME on it) and...you will NEVER believe this.................................and a MONKEY! A MONKEY! I still kind of don't believe her. It was one of the only times in her life that she sounded dead serious, though O.o....I was laughing...she told me she wasn't joking.

We had a short conversation about the whole monkey deal (me saying" no you didn't", and her saying "YES, Hannah, I did"...or "IT'S A MONKEY!!!")

We, after awhile dropped the subject of the monkey, and I "talked" to her cousins and Aunt...I couldn't understand a word they said -_-' Josiry told me that I just was speaking to her "legendary aunt" the one she had told me about sooo many times. She calls her the egg head aunt around me sometimes...because she has tape worm eggs INSIDE her brain. the eggs are dead(the doctors were able to get to them) but they are still there...which make her a little "loopy" (Josiry's words)

It wasn't until later into the whole re-telling me about her aunt for the WHO-KNOWS-WHO-MANY time....that I heard a small crash in the background (like something glass dropped) a lot of yelling....and.....to my shock................................a screeching monkey o.O O.O O.o.....

I got quiet while Josiry was just keep on talking on and on and on. she asked me why I haven't said anything...and I told her that I heard a loud crash earlier in the background...and then she says, "oh...yeah...that was my cousin. Your monkey was trying to do the naughty thing to his leg again...I told you about that earlier...right?"

...all i cold do was say "Yes...but I'm still slightly doubting that you got me a monkey."

THEN BRINGS UP THE MONKEY SUBJECT AGAIN!!! -_-'

"Is it a REAL monkey?"

"It was yelling in my ear earlier...so I think it is"

"Does it have LOUNGS or BATTERIES?"

"well...I don't believe that it would want batteries up it's butt"

"Is it a TOY...or BREATHING?"

"IT'S A FREAKIN' MONKEY!!! I TOLD YOU THAT ALREADY. You're going to need a tiny room a WHOLE lot of news paper...and a pole...because it keeps trying to do the naughty thing to my cousin's leg...."

"...A monkey?"

"Oh I have to go now...My dad just came back. We're about to sit down to eat...BYE!!!"

"Bye O.O' "

That is the EXACT conversation that we had...I'm afraid now O_O somebody hold me!

In OTHER news: I'M GETTING A KITTEN THURSDAY! YAY ME! Kitty supply shopping spree, MONDAY!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KONEKO-CHAN!!! 'tis what my friend, Mallory, wrote on my binder...Yay her for being in love with anime!

Yay me for:

1: being her friend

2: having loving friends

3: having friends who know about my not so secret, secret

4: except for the one who has been in Guatemala for the past month and had no way of finding out ^-^ lol

5: I LOVE ANIME!

6: for having people like you who don't GIVE rat's ass about WHAT nonsense that I'm rambling about!

THANK YOU! AND GOOD MORNING! I ONLY GOT FOUR HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT...BUT I'VE NEVER FELT MORE AWAKE! j\Just wait until I eat something...then I'll be out like a a heavy bolder hit me...maybe...I don't know....who are you? O.O WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW?!?!?!................................................................ I believe that I am semi-better now...still not sane...but better ^-^ *sigh* that really did feel good to have a writing spasm ^-^

* * *

Wow. Um. Cough. I was a strange little child a few years ago. It was a fake monkey. It hanges on my bed post...and just kinda hangs there. I sometimes forget it's there O.o

I got the cat that Monday. Her name is Artemis. She became a fat cat over the years ^-^ she's so kawaii. I still believe writing spasms are good. I made a lot of spelling mistakes in this. Wow. well, I DID write it at 4 in the morning then.

but...Wow...Haha


	3. Lunch with the boys, August 17, 2007

**Today at lunch I was sitting with Kyle, Davon, and another guy who I can never remember his name(it starts with a J). We were all talking about Naruto and Anime when I randomly asked, "Who here....would...like to...see........HOT LESBIAN SEX?!" Kyle and Davon looked at us like we were crazy when J and I raised our hands LoL! Davon kept on repeating "Perverts" over and over ^-^ Then J said "Now we know not to go over to her house to watch movies!" We all started laughing like idiots ^O^Later when Kyle went to put his tray up, I asked Davon, "Are you not, not, not, not a homosexual?" Then he pondered the question, and replied "I am not a homosexual. That is the easiest answer!" When Kyle came back I asked him the same thing...and he said....thinking VERY carefully..."Yes" Then Davon was all like "YOU'RE A HOMOSEXUAL? HOW CAN YOU BE GAY AND HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?" Kyle, "Wait...what? no I meant...huh?" Me, "Not, then are, not, then are...so you just said you are!!!!" I started laughing along with Davon "I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL!!!" I pat him on the back saying..."I'm sorry...I just HAD to go there." Giggle ^O^ **


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